The Tale of Black Cactus: A Journey Through Fire and Smoke
Chapter I: The Awakening of the Bean
In the year 2017 of the Common Reckoning, there was one named Matt, a seeker of flavour and craft. With hands both steady and calloused, he embarked upon a noble quest—to brew the finest coffee in all the land.
He built his first refuge upon the away pitches of Camelot Rugby Club, Hemel Hempstead—a small hut, unassuming yet full of promise. There, amidst the clamour of battle upon the field, weary souls gathered to partake in his dark elixir. His name spread among the townsfolk, and many came to regard him as the keeper of the finest brew.
But as with all things, shadow loomed. One ill-fated night, the hut was broken into, ransacked by nameless hands. His tools were taken, his sanctuary left in ruin. Yet from hardship, fortune stirred—for with the insurance coin, Matt did not merely rebuild; he turned his eyes toward a new flame. With wisdom beyond his years, he acquired his first great implement of fire and smoke—the Treagar Pellet smoker.
And so, the path of Black Cactus was set.
Chapter II: The Flames of Change
Even as he toiled upon the building sites of men, Matt’s heart had been captured by the ways of fire. Though his battered van carried forth coffee to those in need, his mind dwelled upon smoke, upon ember, upon the slow dance of heat through flesh and spice.
In time, fate beckoned him to Shoreditch, a land of great promise. But before his hands could grasp the future, the world itself was cast into stillness—the great plague of Covid-19 swept the land, and all was hushed.
Yet even as the world stood still, Matt’s fire burned on. He turned to the craft in earnest, sealing smoked meats in vacuum-packed parcels, feeding the folk of Hemel who craved the comfort of his work. The demand grew, and with it, his need for a mightier tool of the trade. The Pellet Traeger was set aside, and in its place, a commercial FEC smoker was brought forth—stronger, more capable, ready for the trials ahead. Then, across the wide and mist-veiled sea, Matt, reached out to another — Josh, stout of heart and strong of limb, a boon companion of old, with whom Matt had shared many a flagon of Guiness and clashed in friendly battle upon the fields of Camelot’s rugby grounds, now trod far-off lands. A wanderer he had become, drifting through the smoky halls of Dutch cafes, where laughter rose as thick as the curling pipe-smoke. In the distant town of Hoorn, in the mist-cloaked realm of Holland, he labored with his own hands, a craftsman of feast and fare, bending the stubborn will of gluteny to his own designs. Their fates entwined, and on a bright morning, May the second of the year 2021, they hosted their first great feast upon the fields of Camelot Rugby Club.
A single brisket. A lot of coffee.
Their hunger was deep, not merely for meat and drink, but for the joy of the feast itself.
Yet not all paths are free of peril. Weeks of trade passed, and the watchful eyes of the council stirred. The law declared their work must be made legitimate, and so they set forth to claim their rightful place.
Chapter III: The Rise of Black Cactus
With a sturdy van as their steed, their journey began in earnest. They took a name that would be known: Black Cactus Coffee & Smoke.
But the FEC smoker, though mighty, no longer satisfied the fire’s hunger. Pellets lacked the soul of true barbecue, so they turned to the raw power of live wood. Their new weapon—a 130-gallon offset smoker from the blacksmiths of Smokey Oak.
Their stronghold was no grand hall but a humble bungalow in Caddington, tucked among green hedgerows and winding lanes. Within its walls, the fires of Black Cactus burned—the meats seasoned, the embers tended, and the craft refined.
At the heart of this quiet keep stood two stalwart figures—Carol, Queen of the Carrot Cake, and Paul, King of the Pot Wash. Parents to Matt, they were more than helpers; they were the unseen foundation. Carol spun sweetness with a deft hand, ensuring no feast was without its fitting end, while Paul ruled his kingdom of suds and steam with unwavering resolve, keeping the kitchen in order and the fires burning bright.
Through markets and taverns, through festivals and feasts, they carried their banner high. Yet the road was fraught with hardship. Rivals with deep coffers but lesser passion sought to claim the spoils of the trade. Some battles were won, many were lost.
After years of relentless labor, the road split before them. No soul can walk two paths forever—one foot in the builder’s trade, the other in the ceaseless hunger of the pit. The time had come to choose. Matt and Josh cast aside the security of their old lives and stepped fully into the smoke.
With that choice, they were transformed. No longer mere traders of coffee and smoke, they took on new mantles. Matt ascended as Pitmaster Kears, a keeper of the flame, guardian of the meat, bound by smoke and fire. Josh, embraced his own path as Dinnerlady Josh. The name ran in his blood through lineage, a title both earned and spoken with reverence.
Black Cactus was no longer a dream. It was destiny.
Chapter IV: The Forge of Trial
The first true stronghold of their craft lay within the halls of Exale Brewing, in the land of E17. A place of sour ale and merriment, where their food would find its first true home.
But as the fire grew, so too did the need for mightier tools. The 130-gallon offset was laid to rest, and in its place rose a 250-gallon Shirley, built sturdy for the trials ahead.
Yet even this titan was but a stepping stone, for their hunger knew no bounds. Soon after, they took hold of the 500-gallon Primitive Workhorse, a true leviathan of the pit, capable of feeding the great hordes that now gathered for their craft BBQ.
And among the shadows of the smoke, where fire met steel, they gathered their fellowship. First was Meg, young of years yet fierce in spirit, a keen mind that thirsted for mastery. By her side stood Tom, a man of flame and iron, whose very soul seemed bound to the sacred art of smoke and ember. In the heart of the kitchen, steadfast as the ancient oaks of the North, was Adam, a soul unshaken, whose calm hand brought order where chaos threatened.
But no craft may rise without those who bear its voice to the world. Natalia, tireless and true, moved as the unseen wind, setting all to right with grace beyond measure. Jessi, of the Front, with a presence as warm as the hearth in winter. And beneath it all, the foundation upon which their toil rested, stood Thierry, unyielding, a laborer of stone and steel, whose hands bore the weight of their great endeavor.
For six moons, they toiled. The fire roared. The smoke thickened. The trials were many—some days bore great victories, others bitter defeats.
Among these trials came the great gathering at FUME, where the lands most formidable pitmasters tested their craft in fire and smoke. When the embers cooled, they claimed the first-ever FUME Chef’s Trophy—a triumph forged in flame.
Yet the world took notice. Among those who carried their tale, one voice rose above the rest—@eatingwithtod. With a single telling, their name spread across the land, and the doors of destiny were thrown open.
Chapter V: The Sacred Smoke
Through toil, they had learned the ways of fire. But to master it, they must seek its very heart. And so, they journeyed to the land where smoke rises eternal—Texas.
There, they walked among the great halls of flame, learning from the keepers of the pit. They stood before the sages of the craft—Sausage Sensi & R2 BBQ—within the hallowed halls of Schulez Pitroom. And there, they themselves took up the mantle, standing behind the pit, serving their own craft to the people of Seguin.
Returning home, their purpose was clear. They would not merely continue; they would ascend. They would rectify the missteps of the year before, forge a new menu, and seek a true home—one where the fire could burn forever or until December.
Yet the road was not straight, nor free of hardship. Fate led them back to the halls of Caddington, to the bungalow of Matt’s kin, where they took shelter beneath the familiar roof of old. But idle hands they would not suffer. With will unbroken, they turned the humble garage into their new forge—a place of toil and craft, where meats were prepared for the feasts of Yuletide.
Through long winter nights, they labored, crafting grand feasts for the people—pop-ups where folk gathered in the chill, and vacuum-sealed banquets for families to share by their own hearths for the holidays. And though this was not yet the hall of their dreams, the fire burned still, defiant against the frost. Then atlast, through two great Yuletide pop-ups, they laid the more recent stones of their journey. The fires of Black Cactus found their sanctuary within the halls of Burnt Faith Brandy House, thus creating the sacred smoke of E17.
And so the tale continues…
the wheel of time turns, and with it, the fellowship changes—your names shall not be lost to the wind. The fires you kindled shall burn on, and though your paths now lead elsewhere, the mark of your labor lingers in every wisp of smoke that rises.
Yet as one chapter closes, another begins. From the shadows of days past, a new brother joins the fold—James, known as DJ Barb-B-Q, a wielder of fire and feast. Once, his craft was his calling, but the great plague of Covid-19 cast him adrift, his hands turned to timber and stone when the kitchens fell silent. Yet fire is a stubborn thing, and in his heart, the embers never died. Now, with renewed strength, he returns to the pit, to the smoke, to the craft that was always his.
💜
From a humble coffee hut to the mightiest of pits, from the quiet fields of Hemel Hempstead to the great halls of Texas, Black Cactus has walked the long road.
To those who have walked this road with us—from the first sip of coffee to the last ember of the pit—we give you our thanks.
We stand now upon the threshold of a new chapter, our banner raised high, 30,000 strong, where in the year April 2024, we were but 4,000.
To those chefs who lent their hands, their wisdom, and most importantly their time—@matblak, @richardfostercooks, @wilsonbbq, @sausagesensei, @mattpurkis, @rubenruebens—your acts will always be appreciated and your names will not be forgotten.
To those who influence the masses way of the feast, we thank you for spreading the gospel of Black Cactus—@eatingwithtod, @flavourvaults, @thefatfoodie, @fatboildn, @ollie-eats, @jonthefooddon, @majorbites, @thinkingfood247 and @Biggestlew
The fire burns ever bright. The smoke rises still.
This is Black Cactus BBQ & we love you all.